Ease Your Child's Anxiety With a Worry Box

       

By: Jamie Perillo, LPC

       Do you have an anxious child and struggle with how to ease their worries? Try using a worry box. By making one with your child, you provide support and empower them to cope with their difficult feelings. When your child feels anxious invite them to use a tool from their Worry Box. The more confident your child is in handling their anxiety, the less anxious they will be.

        We recently finished a worry box in the office for bed-time anxiety and within four weeks the child was sleeping in their own bedroom (a first) and sleeping through the night.

Here is a list of 21 anxiety easing tools your child can add to their worry box:

1.      Homemade stress ball

2.      Mindfulness coloring books and crayons

3.      Positive affirmation or mantra cards

4.      Cards or picture that remind your child to take deep breaths

5.      Relaxing music

6.      Thought challenging charts and worksheets

7.      A book

8.      The Feelings Thermometer. (www.inspiredfamilies.com to print your own)

9.      Photos that your child perceives as calming such as family, friends,  or vacation memories

10.  Putty or clay

11.  Worry stone

12.  Lavender scented pillow or satchel

13.  Water bottle

14.  Pictures of a few yoga postures or exercises

15.  Journal

16.  Stuffed animal or blanket

17.  A water bottle filled with a little food coloring and glitter to shake (Not for drinking)

18.  Sound machine with calming nature sounds

19.  Flashlight

20.  A supportive note from mom or dad

21.  Worry dolls or a worry box/jar where your child can write or draw their worry then put it away in the box

Mom and Dad, Your'e Doing Alright

By: Jamie Perillo, LPC          

         

            Parents often ask me, “Am I doing the parenting thing right?” “I want to be a good Mom,” or “I hope my kids remember some of the good stuff and not all of my mess-ups.” I see the agony on their faces when their child is hurting, and I hear their inner plea,” Please, don’t let it be because of me.” When there was something, perhaps they could have done differently I see their breathing shallow and their eyes silently begging for their child’s forgiveness.  Sometimes I see a parent’s fatigue, overwhelm, and exhaustion. I hear from deep in their gut a quiet yell, “Damn, this is hard.” And when something wonderful, even the tiniest of wonderful occurs, I see their eyes fill with tears of pure joy and relief.

I’ve had parent’s ask me, "Do you think my kids will remember any of the good or just my mistakes?' Here’s my answer:

In the seventeen years my mother was alive, I probably complained a lot. No, I know I complained a lot. When I was an early teenager I threw out a few blaming “It’s because of you” or “It’s all your fault” statements. Now, eighteen years later I can’t remember why I said those things - all I remember is the good stuff. My mother standing at the top of the stairs, cooking chicken soup in the kitchen, and smiling as I came in the front door from school, her arms open wide to greet me. I remember her studying social studies facts with me, writing “you’ll do great” on my arm, trying  to relax my anxious mind; and when I was afraid of  the playground ghost stories she would sit in the beanbag chair in my bedroom until I fell asleep. I remember watching her at the kitchen table doing homework with my sister in the evening, after she had already picked me up from tennis practice and made dinner – hours after she had undergone chemotherapy and radiation– sitting giving time to us.

Your kids will remember your tiny gestures -when you rub their back when they have a cold, tucking them in at night and allowing that extra bedtime story – just because.  They’ll remember when you greet them at the door, or put your phone/work/emails down to listen to the new joke they learned, or you surprising them at school for an ice-cream date. They will look back one day and understand you did the best you could with what you had at the time.

I had my mom for seventeen years. It was not nearly long enough. But when she was here – she was here; she was present. We knew we were loved and she took the time to make sure of that. She filled us up with enough love to last, and for that I am grateful.

Give your children TIME, create memories, participate in family ritual (traditions), laugh and joke together, give hugs, say, “I love you,” say, ”I’m sorry,” and  look them in their eyes and  listen. These are the things they will remember. Give yourself a break - you are doing a great job.

Ease into School: Help Your Child Form their Team with 10 Simple Questions

By: Jamie Perillo, LPC   

    It’s that time of year again – to trade in the beach towels for backpacks, lazy summer days for early morning alarms, and the comforts of home and camp friends for new teachers, classmates, and schoolwork. This transition is not easy for many kids. Help your child reduce their anxiety by “creating their team” with a few simple questions.

    By creating a “team” of supports your child will feel comforted, confident, and in control. Here are a few questions to help your child choose their team players:

1. Who are your helpers? If you need help with schoolwork, finding something, or just need help who can you ask? Then help them list the appropriate people – perhaps a teacher, principal, nurse, lunch aid, para, or friend.

2. Who are your school work helpers? If you don’t understand something who can you ask?

3. Who are your “fun” team members? Who can you be silly with? (When it’s appropriate) Who can you ask to play with?

4. Who are your lunch team members? Who would you like to sit with if you can?

5. Who are your bus team members? If there’s a problem on the bus who are your helpers?

6. If something doesn’t feel good, who are your helpers? Or if your child has a specific medical condition such as food allergies, asthma, or diabetes – who are their designated helpers?

7. Who are your funny friends? If you need to laugh who can you find?

8. If you are having a difficult feeling – feeling sad, missing mom or dad, worried, or angry or upset about something who is on your team that can help? Perhaps a school social worker, teacher, principal, para, or friend.

9. If someone in school is bugging you who is on your team that can help?

10. When you are ready to kick off your shoes at the end of the day, who on your team can dance, play, or relax with you?

    By asking these questions, and helping your child form their team, you are empowering your child and building the confidence they can handle issues as they arise by seeking the appropriate help. This exercise reminds your child they are not alone – in fact they have a whole team of support! Just as parents need that reminder, so do kids. Don’t forget to remind your child they are the captain of their team and they can hire and fire as they choose.

8 Ways to Spread the Love

By: Jamie Perillo, LPC

 

"Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.” Mother Teresa

Growing up as a young child, each Valentine’s Day my father brought home a large bouquet of flowers, box of chocolates, and usually a gift for my mother. My sister and I would receive smaller bouquets of flowers, boxes of chocolates, and sometimes a stuffed animal. My mom always played it off not to expect something – because that was not what the day was about, but my sister and I waited excitedly for our dad to arrive home. Although she said,” that’s not what the day is about – it’s about sharing love,” my mom smiled a large smile when my dad came through the door carrying her roses. (Just to be fair there was always a gift for dad too.) The flowers were nice, and don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy flowers and Valentine’s now from my man, but the best message my family instilled as a child and my family practices today is to spread the love. Aside from the flowers we volunteered for community projects, helped others at home, and made homemade gifts for friends and family “just because.” This Valentine’s Day remember the more we give love the more love spreads.

Eight Ways to Spread the Love With Your Family:

1. Start a family secret valentine. Everyone chooses a name and over the week they have to do one kind act for their valentine.
2. Surprise a friend, neighbor, teacher, or loved one with a card, a homemade gift, or a nice phone call.
3. Be mindful to practice random acts of kindness. Hold the door open for someone, give a compliment, or help a friend at school or work.
4. Use positive words. Give compliments and express thanks and gratitude.
5. Do something special for your community. Volunteer for a community project – check out local schools, community centers, animal shelters, or places of worship for ideas.
6. Leave love notes.  Set up an area at home with crayons, paper, and other crafty items. During the week everyone can make a quick “love note” for family members and friends.
7. Try something new as a family. Trying new activities together creates bonding moments and positive memories.
8. Say, “I love you.” I’ve heard some say they save those three words for special occasions to save their meaning. I believe, however, to say, “I love you” as often as you can. For me those words never lose their meaning no matter when they are said. Let those you love know you love them.