The Black Dot: How to Shift Your Negative Thought

The Black Dot
By Jamie Perillo, LPC

     When I was twelve I attended a holiday service with my mother. We were shown a large white poster board with a black dot in the center and were asked, “What do you see?” At twelve, not too happy to be there on a Saturday afternoon, I remember thinking this was a silly question. ” I see a black dot. There’s nothing else to see."

     I was gratefully proven wrong.  The speaker explained, “You have two choices.  You can see the black dot or you can see a large piece of beautiful white paper with lots of room to write on.” In life, we have a choice – we can focus on the negative or we can try to see the positive. We have the choice to fixate on the black dot or see beyond the dot and open our mind to all of the possibilities the situation might bring.

     When children come in anxious or stuck in negative thinking patterns I show them the paper with the black dot. Initially I am met with the same, “Are you kidding me?” look I gave many years ago. But as I explain the purpose in the exercise their eyes brighten and the lesson is understood.

If your child is having difficulty stuck in negative thought patterns or anxious, try showing them the paper with the black dot.  It will be a lesson that sticks with them years later.

Nine Tips to Teach Your Child Gratitude

Nine Tips to Teach Your Child Gratitude
By Jamie Perillo, LPC

"Piglet noticed that even though he had a very small heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude." ~ A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

1. Use a Gratitude Journal. Help your child focus on the positive by stating something good or something they are grateful for each day. They can write, draw, or scrapbook in their journal.

2. Play the Gratitude Game. Have each person take a turn stating something they are grateful for.  A great game for the dinner table!

3. Send Gratitude Cards. Have your child make a "Gratitude Card" for a family member, friend, or someone who has helped them.

4. Teach your child to look a person in the eyes when they say thank you. Not only will their message be better received but they will observe the recipient's response of a smile or nod.

5.Work towards something. Today's kids - the "instant gratification generation" receive information and often things rather quickly. Have your child earn that toy or game they desire. By working towards something there is a greater appreciation for the item and the person who gave it.

6. Send thank you notes.

7. Volunteer together.Teaching your child to lend a helping hand to those in need increases their understanding of what it means to be grateful. It also increases Serotonin, the "feel good" hormone.

8. Be the example. Say thank you, make gratitude statements, and  observe the positive with your child. Children who hear and observe adults express gratitude are more likely to identify gratitude themselves.

9. Don't forget to tell your child why you are grateful for them!

Your Survival Guide for the Car Ride

 By; Jamie Perillo, LPC


Traveling with kids, especially long drives during the summer season, can be an adventure. Here are some tips to help you travel with ease and enjoy the ride.

1.     Give each child (mom and dad too) a throw away camera, journal, and photo book. During your car ride and vacation they can use their creativity and log their favorite moments.

2.       Pack a survival car kit for you and your kids. Essentials are extra headphones, batteries, Aspirin, Dramamine, Band-Aids, and any necessary medications. Then pack the “Fun” items such as a new DVD (I do not typically recommend watching DVDs in the car UNLESS it is a long car trip), travel games,  books, and special snacks. These can be thrown out throughout the trip as extra “surprises.”

3.       Use your “Fun” items for rewards. When everyone is sharing and keeping hands and feet to themselves they earn  a travel game.

4.       Spend time before the trip reserving CD’s from the library so each child can make their own vacation play list or CD for the trip.

5.       For long trips try book on CD.

6.       During travel breaks designate one child to be the leader for post drive stretching. Take turns.

 Don’t forget to make frequent stops and most importantly enjoy the ride!

What travel strategies do you use? We'd love to hear from you!