Ease Your Child's Anxiety With a Worry Box

       

By: Jamie Perillo, LPC

       Do you have an anxious child and struggle with how to ease their worries? Try using a worry box. By making one with your child, you provide support and empower them to cope with their difficult feelings. When your child feels anxious invite them to use a tool from their Worry Box. The more confident your child is in handling their anxiety, the less anxious they will be.

        We recently finished a worry box in the office for bed-time anxiety and within four weeks the child was sleeping in their own bedroom (a first) and sleeping through the night.

Here is a list of 21 anxiety easing tools your child can add to their worry box:

1.      Homemade stress ball

2.      Mindfulness coloring books and crayons

3.      Positive affirmation or mantra cards

4.      Cards or picture that remind your child to take deep breaths

5.      Relaxing music

6.      Thought challenging charts and worksheets

7.      A book

8.      The Feelings Thermometer. (www.inspiredfamilies.com to print your own)

9.      Photos that your child perceives as calming such as family, friends,  or vacation memories

10.  Putty or clay

11.  Worry stone

12.  Lavender scented pillow or satchel

13.  Water bottle

14.  Pictures of a few yoga postures or exercises

15.  Journal

16.  Stuffed animal or blanket

17.  A water bottle filled with a little food coloring and glitter to shake (Not for drinking)

18.  Sound machine with calming nature sounds

19.  Flashlight

20.  A supportive note from mom or dad

21.  Worry dolls or a worry box/jar where your child can write or draw their worry then put it away in the box

Ease into School: Help Your Child Form their Team with 10 Simple Questions

By: Jamie Perillo, LPC   

    It’s that time of year again – to trade in the beach towels for backpacks, lazy summer days for early morning alarms, and the comforts of home and camp friends for new teachers, classmates, and schoolwork. This transition is not easy for many kids. Help your child reduce their anxiety by “creating their team” with a few simple questions.

    By creating a “team” of supports your child will feel comforted, confident, and in control. Here are a few questions to help your child choose their team players:

1. Who are your helpers? If you need help with schoolwork, finding something, or just need help who can you ask? Then help them list the appropriate people – perhaps a teacher, principal, nurse, lunch aid, para, or friend.

2. Who are your school work helpers? If you don’t understand something who can you ask?

3. Who are your “fun” team members? Who can you be silly with? (When it’s appropriate) Who can you ask to play with?

4. Who are your lunch team members? Who would you like to sit with if you can?

5. Who are your bus team members? If there’s a problem on the bus who are your helpers?

6. If something doesn’t feel good, who are your helpers? Or if your child has a specific medical condition such as food allergies, asthma, or diabetes – who are their designated helpers?

7. Who are your funny friends? If you need to laugh who can you find?

8. If you are having a difficult feeling – feeling sad, missing mom or dad, worried, or angry or upset about something who is on your team that can help? Perhaps a school social worker, teacher, principal, para, or friend.

9. If someone in school is bugging you who is on your team that can help?

10. When you are ready to kick off your shoes at the end of the day, who on your team can dance, play, or relax with you?

    By asking these questions, and helping your child form their team, you are empowering your child and building the confidence they can handle issues as they arise by seeking the appropriate help. This exercise reminds your child they are not alone – in fact they have a whole team of support! Just as parents need that reminder, so do kids. Don’t forget to remind your child they are the captain of their team and they can hire and fire as they choose.

Form Your Team and Reduce Your Stress

By: Jamie Perillo, LPC

               

               Do you go to bed with anxiety, feel your chest tightening when you think of your family’s daily schedule? Do your muscles tense when you consider how you will get from work to your child’s bus stop in time to pick them up, gather the kids and give them their snacks, assess homework, pile them into the car for baseball, drum lessons, and girl scouts?

            More parents are reporting increased anxiety, depression, and an overall increase in stress. When, as a child and family therapist, I see parents for stress related issues I ask, “Who is your support network?”           

          Several generations ago parent’s lived in close knit communities or tribes, receiving readily available support from grandparents, relatives, or community members. Today due to technology, transportation, and the economy - parents often go it alone or with minimal supports. 

          In our westernized culture a sort of “Supermom” phenomena has developed.  Parent’s often say they feel they need to be able to do it all, do it well, and do it alone or they are not good parents. They show feelings of inadequacy or failure if they need to ask for help. Yet the very nature of being human is our ability and need to connect with others.

            A lack of support and false idea that being a good parent means being able to do it all alone is extremely stressful. You don’t have to do it alone. Whatever the source, support is an essential component of being a parent and being human.

How Do You Get Support?

There are two types of support needs: physical and emotional. Phyiscal needs are daily activity supports. First, assess your current supports – where do you feel you would benefit from some extra help? Start your own Mommy or Daddy team by reaching out to others.  You can fashion your team by joining a parents ‘support group, play group, or creating your own book group. Instead of dropping your child off at practice, reach out and talk to other parents – perhaps start a carpool with a parent nearby or take turns making community dinners where each parent brings a dish to trade off on days your child has games, reducing the stress when you return home.  Find dependable and available sitters or offer to swap days with another parent for caretaking

            Perhaps your daily routine has a good rhythm but you need emotional support - someone to vent to or a friend to laugh with. Gather your team. Use your reliable sitter or friend who will care for your kids so you can have some “you” time. Start a “Mommies night,” join a basketball league, have date night with your spouse, or search your local adult education program for an activity that will interest you.  Join a monthly parent’s support group, seek a reputable online parenting forum, or find support with a professional for your emotional needs.

Next, designate the level of support from each “team member.” Think of your team as a bullseye – your center target consist of your closest and most dependable supports then moves outwards.  Some will be priority players and some may be backups. There are friends you know you can count on who are team players, providing a healthy balance of give and take.  Other friends you might contact and hear from a week or month later. They may still be good friends, and a good laugh, but perhaps not the team members to use in a bind.  Then there are the people in life – I’m sure you know one or two – which you want in your life, but they are unreliable for physical or emotional support. You don’t have to kick them off the team, just be mindful of where they stand, so you are not disappointed. Remember you are the captain – you can hire and fire team members as you choose.

  Once you have your team in place, practice seeking out different members for different types of support. As you do you will notice a change in your stress level, and perhaps even in your anxiety or mood. Your kids will notice too. Another benefit of actively seeking support - you are teaching your children to do the same.

Is Your Cup Too Full? 10 Ways to Reduce Your Stress

By: Jamie Perillo, LPC

Do you feel irritable, anxious, overwhelmed, exhausted, or down? Then your cup is probably too full.

Our cup – daily stress level - begins to fill each day with little drops – the drops can be physical, emotional, or mental. Physical drops may be the morning tantrum from your two year old because you didn’t give her the “right” socks, running late for work, the phone call reminder from your boss about that project due soon, or not getting enough sleep. These drops build throughout the day, some bigger than others.  Emotional or mental drops may be larger such as healing from a loss, disappointment, or sadness. These drops add to our “cup” throughout the day, eventually resulting in an overflow if we do not sufficiently filter it.

A child came into my office admitting he had a “blow-up.”  When we talked about his full cup he was able to acknowledge before his day began his cup was partly full with worry from listening to the news and sadness from kids teasing on the bus. As the day went on he didn’t get his way, struggled with a question on school work, and fought with his sister. By the end of the day, without having ways to filter his cup, it overflowed and he tantrumed.  Adults do the same.  I noticed I became cranky towards the end of the work day and my cup was feeling too full. I realized I wasn’t taking a lunch break, seeing clients for eight sometimes ten or eleven hours straight. Now my calendar has a set lunch hour. My mood became much brighter taking time for myself, nourishing my body, and utilizing the time for phone calls, meditation, or quick walk outside. Lunch and a breath of fresh air was a simple way to filter my cup.

How to Drain Your Cup and Reduce Your Stress

1. Check in with yourself throughout the day. Take a minute to take a deep breath and scan your body. Are you tense, frustrated, clenching your jaw, or taking shallow breaths? If so take one minute to do deep breathing. Then ask, “What do I need right now?” Try a quick walk outside, a call to a friend, or five minutes to journal.
2. Move. Try yoga, walking, dance, or any form of exercise which helps reduce stress.
3. Use your tribe. If you feel overloaded ask a friend or your partner for help.
4. Nourish your body and soul. Nourish your body with healthy food choices. Nourish your soul with inspiring activities – read a daily positive affirmation and practice activities that are soul inspiring for you.
5. Embrace the word no. Your cup will quickly overflow without having boundaries. Just because you are physically capable of doing many things – PTO meetings, making cupcakes for boy scouts, or hosting that fundraiser doesn’t mean you have to. Ask yourself, “Which activity to I really want to participate in?” Then kindly say “No” to the others.  
6. Get enough shut eye.
7. ight"er the "r mental. Physical drops may be the morning tantrum from your two year old because you didnt Have daily electronic- free time. The overload of emails and social media are quiet triggers for stress.
8. Connect with others.
9. Practice gratitude. When our gratitude increases our ability to manage stress increases.
10. Say "YES" to yourself. Remember: self- love is not selfish.

The Black Dot: How to Shift Your Negative Thought

The Black Dot
By Jamie Perillo, LPC

     When I was twelve I attended a holiday service with my mother. We were shown a large white poster board with a black dot in the center and were asked, “What do you see?” At twelve, not too happy to be there on a Saturday afternoon, I remember thinking this was a silly question. ” I see a black dot. There’s nothing else to see."

     I was gratefully proven wrong.  The speaker explained, “You have two choices.  You can see the black dot or you can see a large piece of beautiful white paper with lots of room to write on.” In life, we have a choice – we can focus on the negative or we can try to see the positive. We have the choice to fixate on the black dot or see beyond the dot and open our mind to all of the possibilities the situation might bring.

     When children come in anxious or stuck in negative thinking patterns I show them the paper with the black dot. Initially I am met with the same, “Are you kidding me?” look I gave many years ago. But as I explain the purpose in the exercise their eyes brighten and the lesson is understood.

If your child is having difficulty stuck in negative thought patterns or anxious, try showing them the paper with the black dot.  It will be a lesson that sticks with them years later.

What are you feeling today?

 Help Your Child Communicate Their Feelings Effectively. Try Greco's Feeling Faces.

By: Jamie Perillo, LPC

    Has your child walked in the door from school looking withdrawn but unable to express their feelings? Did they have a terrible meltdown but cannot tell you why? Try using our tool, Greco's Feeling Faces, to help your child express their feelings and communicate  effectively.

     Show your child the chart and ask them to point to their feeling for today. If you are discussing an incident that happened earlier have your child think about their feeling in that moment and point to it. This strategy can create a starting point for conversation, have your child feel understood, and for you to understand your child.

     When using Greco's Feeling Faces do not forget to validate your child's feelings. Also, discuss a plan for what to do when your child is experiencing the feeling.

Examples, "When you feel nervous take five deep breaths."
                 " If you are scared tell Mom or Dad."
                  "When you are angry because a friend called you  a name in school tell the teacher."

Greco's Feeling Faces will be available soon for free download on our website. Check back soon!

             

Talking To Your Child About Natural Disasters

Talking To Your Child About Natural Disasters

1. Explore your child's thoughts. If they ask a question inquire further. Find out what they know and how they feel about it. Don't assume and remember children have great imaginations.

 

2. Validate their feelings. For example, "That is a scary thought." This will encourage your child to talk to you in the future about their feelings and let them know it's okay to have these feelings. Statements like "don't feel scared" do not stop a child from having fears - that is about you not them.

3. Remind your child you, their family and friends, and teachers work hard to keep them safe. Discuss your family's safety plans should a natural disaster occur. Show your child you are prepared. Remember to speak calmly. For example, "Parents and schools have plans to keep kids safe."

4. If appropriate get concrete with your information. For example, "Mom has lived here for 30 years which is 10950 days and we have never had an earthquake in all those days." If you have experienced a natural disaster such as a hurricane remind your child of the number of days a hurricane did not occur. Additionally, and importantly, count all of the people your child knows that had experienced the disaster and are okay and safe.

 

6. Make explanations simple.

 

6. Offer a way for your child to help such as gathering clothes or food to send to those in need - or offer a volunteer experience close to home where your child can feel helpful. This gives them a sense of control. Volunteering helps reduce anxiety as well.

7. If your family was significantly affected by a natural disaster it is helpful to seek additional support through a therapist or school counselor for your child and your family.

How To Talk To Your Child About Preparing For A Hurricane

How To Talk To Your Child About Preparing For A Hurricane 

     As Sandy is approaching the East Coast many parents are trying to prepare their children for the storm. Here are a few tips for talking to your child in preparation for a Hurricane.

1. Explain the situation in simple and non-threatening words. For example, " Mommy and Daddy are buying flashlights and water for a  hurricane or storm. This means there might be loud rain, maybe some thunder, and wind. Sometimes the wind can be loud and make the lights go out but you are safe."

2. Always remind your child they are safe. Discuss how you are going to keep them physically and emotionally safe.

3. Physical safety: Remind your child you are prepared and the home is secure.  For example, discuss how you bought plenty of flashlights, batteries, water, and snacks in case you lose electricity. Show them you have charged your phone and help your child charge theirs if they have one. Show your child where all emergency phone numbers are kept and review  your family's emergency plan.

4. In case of an evacuation: If you are informed to evacuate simply explain to your child you are leaving your home because there might be strong wind and a lot of rain. Remind them it is a precaution - like having a "snow day" from school - to help keep everyone safe. Help your child pack some comfort items to bring with you.

5. Emotional safety: Make a plan with your child in case they get nervous. Remind them the noise can be scary but they are safe at home. Discuss what they will do if they are nervous. For example your child can talk to you, use play dough or a stress ball, hug their comfort item, listen to their Ipod or use noise canceling head phones to help decrease noise.

6. Prepare some games and toys in case you lose electricity. Crayons, coloring books, cards, DVDs (if you have access to a portable DVD player or laptop), favorite stuffed animal or blanket.
 
7. Keep calm and keep the news to a minimum in front of your child. If you appear calm and prepared your child will feel secure and less anxious.

How to Talk to Your Child About Natural Disasters

How to Talk to Your Child About Natural Disasters

1. Explore your child's thoughts. If they ask a question on a recent event inquire further. Find out what they know and how they feel about it. Don't assume.

2. Validate their feelings. For example, " I can see that you feel scared.”This will encourage your child to talk to you in the future about their feelings and let them know it's okay to have these feelings. Statements like "don't feel scared" do not stop a child from having fears - that is about you not them.

3. Follow up with a reason why they do not need to feel scared, such as "Parents and schools have plans to keep kids safe, it rarely happens here."

4. If appropriate it is helpful to get concrete. For example, "Mom has lived here for 30 years which is 10950 days and we have never had an earthquake in all those days."

5. Keep explanations simple.

6. Offer a way for your child to help such as gathering clothes or food to send to those in need - or offer a volunteer experience close to home where your child can feel helpful.